I secretly read my teenage daughter’s private journal and found out she hates me. I wasn’t snooping because I was curious. At least that’s what I tell myself. She had been withdrawn, skipping meals, snapping at everyone, and I was worried. I went into her room looking for something completely unrelated, saw the journal, and opened it.

The first page I read had my name all over it. She wrote that I control everything, that she feels like nothing she does is good enough, that she plans to move far away as soon as she can, and that she sometimes lies about where she is because telling me the truth means getting a lecture.

Some of it was unfair. Some of it was painfully accurate. She wrote about things I don’t even remember saying that apparently stayed with her for years. I cried sitting on her bedroom floor. Then she came home and I had to act normal because how do you confront somebody with information you only have because you violated their privacy?

Since then I’ve been trying to change my behavior without making it obvious. I ask fewer questions, criticize less, try not to correct every little thing. She actually seems happier around me, which makes me feel worse because it confirms she wasn’t exaggerating everything.

I want to apologize, but an apology would expose what I did. I invaded the one place where she thought she could be honest. So now I’m using stolen information to become a better parent, which feels morally upside down. I don’t know if the right thing is to confess and risk destroying her trust completely, or keep quiet and let the journal remain hers in every way except the one boundary I already broke.