I’m jealous of my best friend’s marriage and I’ve started avoiding her because I don’t like who I become around her. We got married around the same time. Her husband cooks, plans dates, helps with their kids, remembers things without being reminded, and actually seems to enjoy being part of the household.

My husband isn’t abusive or horrible. He works hard and he loves us. But I carry almost everything mentally. School forms, doctor appointments, birthdays, groceries, laundry, family calendars, teacher emails, vacation planning, Christmas gifts, remembering when his own mother’s birthday is.

He’ll help if I ask, but I’m exhausted from being the manager of all the help. When my friend casually says her husband packed lunches or booked the dentist appointments, I feel this anger that has nothing to do with her. Sometimes I catch myself looking for cracks in their marriage just so I can feel better.

If she complains about something small, I almost feel relieved. Then I hate myself because she’s one of the kindest people I know. I don’t want her marriage to be worse. I want mine to feel more equal. I’ve tried explaining mental load to my husband, but he hears it as “you never do anything” and gets defensive.

Then I list everything I handle, he does more for a week, and slowly we go back to normal. I’m scared that my jealousy is turning into resentment toward a friend who did nothing except show me a version of partnership I wish I had.